Focus (WFMAD - Day 1)
Here we go. Day one, oh, and day two also, technically speaking, of the September 2011 “Write Fifteen Minutes A Day” (WFMAD) challenge. I’m not focused and, as such, will probably just type the thoughts as they come, nothing specific.
So, while writing the above, I used a word (focused) that got me to think of something…
Today I red an article in a magazine (Tricycle - Fall 2011 issue) titled “Focusing.” It was about a type of hybrid meditationmindfulness exercise that was very interesting to me because I have been noticing and talking about how unable I am to focus on things that matter. I can focus on things that don’t matter; job related things, or extremely negative things, but not the things that are important. More pointedly, not on anything critically about myself. I believe it to be a defense mechanism, but one that needs to be broken down and deconstructed. I need to be able to better identify with who I really am in order to make any real and lasting changes to myself. Improvement is a goal that I have and I can’t get there if I am unable to see (and investigate) who I am in a meaningful and realistic way rather than through the rosy goggles that my self-preservation mechanics have constructed for me. Anyway, this focus exercise was really compelling to me. It seemed to hit on something that I could really use and that I have been having trouble with.
Meditation distances you, calms you, allows you to step back from things. This is, of course, great for someone that has a tendency to be very reactionary like me. Then there’s mindfulness. Mindfulness is supposed to be able to help you to see things in a more accepting light and to, because of the acknowledgment of the thing and subsequent acceptance of it, be able to handle it more calmly or humanely or levelly. Another way to look at it is that you are supposed to be able to see anger, or rage, or whatever, as it approaches. Then you can acknowledge it, understand it, embrace it, and then let it go without losing a more holistic perspective of its place in the grand scheme of things without it engulfing you and/or the situation that cause it arrival. Without, for example, flying off the handle because the milk was spilled. This is, again, fantastic. Love it. Well, this article I read talks about there being a gap between those two things. This gap is the lack of focus on how your I (mind) and me (body) see and interpret the things that arise in your life.
So, after reading the article and its accompanying six-step guideline - which is defined as being only, a sort of framework that can be adjusted and modified to suit the individual - I decided to give it a try.
Firstly one must get in the right state of mind and/or body, so I just began with some basic breathing meditation. Once I had done that for a bit and felt good about where I was, I decided to try to get into the focus. This is described as drawing all attention - both I (mind) and me (body) - to one’s torso and letting attention settle there, waiting for a sense to start to show its self (materialize?). This sense was described in the article as being a number of things from a shape to a color to a texture or similar. It would be residing somewhere within your torso. It could be in the stomach or the heart or anywhere really. There may be more than one sense as well, but I’d suggest that there is probably one that stands out more than others and that maybe that should be the one that gets attended to.
Once you find the sense, you are supposed to calmly and acceptingly sit with it. Just be with it. No emotions or judgements or labels or anything. Do not “go inside” it, keep some distance. Just sit with it. The idea here, I believe, is that the sense is somewhat skittish. That it is something that your I and me don’t know how to deal with or to handle so it will be tucked away as a means of management. Sitting with it allows it (the sense) to get comfortable with a non-threatening approach (think of a scared kitten) and also for your I and me to get comfortable with it being exposed.
Once you have sat with the sense for a few moments, the next step is to try to identify the quality of the sense. This is, in essence, labeling the sense. Let a word or a picture or similar that correctly identifies the quality of the sense come to you. Once one comes, examine it - the word or picture or whatever - to see if it is really a true fit. If you don’t feel an internal shift, or melding, of the sense and its quality, let the quality (word) go and keep searching. Keep going until you feel a synchronous match. Until you find just the right quality.
Once you find a match of sense and quality, let them “resonate” with each other. to see how they mesh. To do this, focus your attention on one, then the other, let them interact. Do they shift and/or move subtly with each and around other? Do they modify each other? I equate this to harmonics. If you have two notes that are the same, they will wobble and wind around each other. If this sort of interplay is happening then all is going well. Let that continue for a bit until they feel like a perfect match. Let the two interplay and mold and led until they are “just right” with each other.
Once there, it’s time to start investigating this sense and its accompanying quality (combined, they are called the “felt sense”). As yourself what is it about this felt sense that makes it so. What is in it? While asking these types of questions, let the quality (word, picture, whatever it was that came to you) come back into focus. Don’t remember it, re-see it anew. Let it come again so that it can be seen clearly with the question. If an answer comes (either quickly or slowly), investigate it. Did the answer make the felt sense shift? If not, let that answer go by and keep asking. Keep delving. Keep focusing. Focus on the felt sense again. Ask the question again. Keep doing this until you get an answer that affects the felt sense. There should be a shift, or a release or something that accompanies the answer.
Finally, when you get the response/answer that has affected the felt sense, accept it. Receive it with open arms. Let it come out into the openness with a friendliness and acceptance of it. Don’t judge it or be ashamed of it or, for that matter, encouraged by it or proud of it. Just be friendly and accepting of it. Once there, sit with it for a while. Let it the felt sense shift - even if only slightly - and accept it and get comfortable with it. Sit with it for a while.
Ok, so that focus exercise was , for me, really really really difficult. In fact, I don’t think I succeeded on this first attempt, but I’m okay with that because I (think) I understand that this will be a particularly difficult achievement for me. In fact, I believe that the difficulty of this exercise is proof of just how valuable it is for me. The idea here is that, once achieved, this felt sense has been identified. It has been made into something acknowledged (and accepted) and can now be addressed openly and consciously.
