non-thoughts, non-knowing, & non-sequiturs
i’ve decided to start this blog post with nothing at all — nothing worth typing out loud, anyway — on my mind. i’ve decided that i’m going to, for the first time ever, start this sucker *before* titling it. typically, i have something in mind when my fingers start to do the keyboard dance. not this time though. wonder how it will turn out? :/ i can say this much, i’m not going to blog about a “new year,” let alone a “happy” one. i already touched on that via twitter earlier today. or was it facebook? not important. i will concede to re-post the same link here, for the curious and “new year” needy. it’s a funny little comic, check it if you must: http://bit.ly/f8SpeG
just to get it out there, i’ve recently started a private journal. this has been taking up a fair amount of my time and has, so far, been hovering somewhere between exhausting and boring with a hover-by on analytical. why do i bring this up you ask? glad you did! [it shows that i suckered you into a 2nd paragraph! yay me!] well, i mention the journal as an entry point into asking you all [my, what, 2.65 readers] whether you do the same or if the private journal is a bygone antique of a much less “social-media” centric age. a relic passed by with the where-are-you-right-now-and-what-are-you-thinking-and-what-ad-should-we-stream-to-you age.
so let’s have it, are there any closet journalers our there? if so, do you do it the old school way, with pen and paper, or do you just have a different [insert fav blog service here] account that you have made private? maybe you downloaded some special journal software? i took up my second offering. i have a private wordpress blog. if you ask real nice and the sky is grey and i see four horses on the not-so distant horizon and my shoes are yellow, i may grant you the rights necessary to read the sorry, sappy, drivel that i have dared to think and — worse yet — to scratch upon their [the blog service’s] hard-disc space. but i warn you, yer gonna have to be pretty special indeed, because i don’t think i’d be able to face you ever again if said access were to be provided!
i gotta say, man it’s hard to get genuinely cavernous into one’s own thoughts. at least i find it really difficult. for me, the difficulty lies on a few factors, ranging from mundane to psychologically challenging to just plain old, stupid, scheduling, but the main hardship that i find myself worrying about the most is this… i’ve had this idea of myself for so long that it’s become really hard to try to see around that idea to see things below/behind this idea of self. it’s freaky hard in fact! you know the old anthem that goes something like: “who knows you better that yourself?” well, i posit that while that may or may not be terribly true, it does *not* infer the seemingly-goes-without-saying followup thought that, “you must be the person that really knows yourself.” i don’t think the two thoughts are at all mutually inclusive. do you? i think that a large number of people, and i include myself amongst the ranks, don’t really know themselves at all.
i think that we [yeah, i used the word “we” here] think we know ourselves, but we are mistaken about that. we are lying about that. i know that i have a self image that doesn’t align with other people’s image of me. i know that my self perceptions don’t necessarily align with perceived reality, if looked at through a proper lens. i also figure that i am not alone in this phenomenon. i mean, look at the phrase, “hindsight is 20/20.” doesn’t that support the idea that people aren’t able to see themselves [or situations] particularly clearly? to me it makes sense.
anyway, my [non new years, i can claim this because it’s been ongoing for a while now] resolution is to try, via my private journal, to get to know myself a bit better. god, did i really just say that? what a completely embarrassing sentence to utter, let alone type [or blog!] well it’s done. gonna let it stand in all of its embarrassing glory and pride. sorry about it. just don’t read that last part! d’oh! i guess it’s too late to ask that of you now. wah wah.
i guess it’s time to try to title this puppy. any suggestions? if so, let me know and i’ll think about letting you be my “title voice!” :) gonna go with…
