I wants me a pair of them-thar glasses
I have been struggling with some things as of late. I’m-a-gonna itemize first, after which, I’ll summarize. All neat and tidy like. Did I mention that I’ve been struggling with some things?
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Firstly, as promised, let get some itemization a-goin’
Love. I want to live in love. I want to be driven by love and I want to be ridden by love. I want to be able to really show love. I mean really, really REALLY show it. Like the kind that exudes through my pores. Through my aura. Through my chakras. Through my ids. Through me essence. I want to give it and to feel it, in all of its forms. I want to be able to truly appreciate love if and when it ever comes my way. Every time it comes my way. I want the experience to be mutual, understood and enjoyed, like a-n-t-i-c-i-p-a-t-i-o-n.
Control. I want to lose control and not want to get it back. I want to be joyfully malleable to life’s quirks and twists. I want to bask in the uncertainty of any given situation and I want to ride said situation with a genuine light-hearted glee that I once thought I had. I want to be able to see the wonder and the thrill of rolling-with-the-punches and come out the better having done so. Mostly, I want control, or lack of it, to not control me.
Compassion. I want to live in and of compassion. I want to see others’ flaws and embrace them as part of a beautiful whole. I want to make mistakes and to be OK with them and to have others be OK with them. I want to lessen pain, struggle, and strife when I see them. I want people to see me as a person that they can trust without fear of judgment or shame, but rather as a person who is willing to support them. Help them. Elevate them. I want to be able to be leaned upon and to have others upon whom I can lean. I want to help those that need it whether or not they ask for it. I want to encourage, strengthen, enrich, and hold-up-high those around me. I want to be able to help others see their worth, strengths, and gifts and I want to be able to do so on their best days and their worst.
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Ah yes. There we go then. I could, and perhaps should, continue with the itemization but I worry that my mind will explode if I don’t move on to the summary. Now I can jump into the a fore mentioned [and much dreaded] summary…
I’ve come to see just how alter my reality is. I have lived - for a long time now, far too long to track let alone mention - in a way that is completely inconsistent with my wants. I am not in accord with any of ‘em! In fact, I have been quite discordantly living! I am nothing of the man that I have always considered myself to be and the really sad part is that this isn’t a new-flash really. These things have been pointed out to me time and time again, and then some more to boot, by others who actually live in this reality and who actually use their senses, their brains, and their emotions unlike me who would rather just assume that I am seeing things clearly and that everyone else has some fancy-colored glasses on. Where and when did I get so off course as to go through my own personal alter-reality-door and not even notice? Why didn’t I stand in the fancy-colored glasses line and get my pair way-back-when? Just when did self-ignorance become so easy for me?
So riddle me this Batmen and Batwomen: How can someone be so wrong, yet so certain, all the while feeling wronged and dispersing blame in any direction [other than inward] all along the way? If you have the key to that, fork it over! That be what Ima lookin’ for. I’m dying to get to the crux of that riddle so as to crack the living hell out of it, lock it away and maybe, just maybe, get me some fancy-colored glasses of my own along the way.
